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Living in today’s society, with all the labels, new slogans, ideologies, Red Pill gurus, pink pill advice (I don’t think this is actually a thing, but what the hell), and all this modern women/men bullshit circulating in the atmosphere, the destruction of, and confusion surrounding healthy relationships continues to get lost in the details.
It’s difficult not to acknowledge the role these destructive, self-fulfilling ideologies play in reshaping a new world. Learning how to navigate through these three issues surrounding the modern relationship can be difficult.
Keep reading, I don’t want to waste your time, so let’s dive right in.
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Refusing to do your work —
Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried
Procrastination is the murderer of opportunity and growth. Laugh it up, I hope that put a smile on your face. Now, do your self-work.
This goes both ways… Women, you are not off the hook.
Everyone has baggage that they are carrying from past relationships (family, love, friends, work, parents, siblings…) that may have left scars and open wounds. There is a time for healing, forgiveness, and a season for moving on and letting go. Taking the time to heal from your emotional, spiritual, and physical traumas is vital to managing a healthy and successful relationships. It provides you with the experience and tools necessary to navigate seasons of growth, stagnation, and death. Every relationship experiences these seasons, it’s the only way for growth.
The issue with modern day relationships, these days, are that people continue to avoid to work on themselves. People continue to expect a relationship, sex, or lover to heal them, their wounds, and make them ‘feel’ better about themselves. What they don’t understand is that they will continue to attract toxic people into their lives, people going through the same pain, and if they should come across a person who is good for them, then they become the toxic ones in the relationship and blow it to hell.
This also goes both ways, women a man will not save you. A man is not responsible for you, your orgasm, your happiness, or your success…
People have become so accustomed to looking outside of themselves for answers and blame, because they fear the shit going on inside of them, they fear what they will discover and the journey it takes to correct the pain and hurt they feel. People often find comfort in ignorance, comfort with the devil they know regardless of the abuse or hardship. They will often endure, and call this strength and fidelity. They will procrastinate to seek the change necessary for growth and healing. The real strength is recognizing your worth, doing your work, and making change and have the courage to seek the healthy relationship that you deserve and contribute to.
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Understanding that you are not the gift or prize, entirely —
Sorry to break it to you, but you are not the prize or the gift.
Where and when did this self-centered, conceited, insecure bullshit come from? Get over yourself, as a secure man who has done his work, I understand a woman’s worth, and the woman I choose to spend my time with and build a relationship with is my prize, and I am hers in her eyes. Do you see the difference? Mutual respect.
I hear this garbage coming from the mouths of many men, talking about how they are the prize, and in the same breath they continue on explaining why they are the prize. Then, almost every time, they complain about finding a good woman, and in the same breath blaming women for why they are single. I hear more and more women doing the same. If you have to explain to someone why you are ‘the’ prize, or convince them, you are absolutely not the prize or gift to anyone except yourself.
Men and women, although they play separate roles in a relationship, lead by communicating and taking action. Understanding your role in a relationship is also vital. Having the mindset that you are the prize/gift, tends to leave the mind consumed with yourself as the prize/gift, leaving your partner to be less-than or in most cases, ultimately undeserving. This ideology seems flawed, in order to see someone else as the prize, you have to devalue yourself.
There is a difference between knowing your worth and the value you bring to the table and claiming yourself as the prize of the relationship. I know a handful, maybe a lot of individuals who think of themselves as a gift/prize, yet are amazingly insecure and always single. Mainly in part because they are ridiculously difficult to be with. See the correlation?
Calling yourself the prize/gift will not fix you, your personality, or mindset. Respect goes a long way, it’s another vital part of a healthy relationship. One can take this even further, and say, a lack of respect for your partner is truly a projection of the lack of respect that one has for themselves.
Understanding that you are not the prize or gift within a relationship, creates opportunity for understanding, growth, and deeper intimacy. Allows an environment for mutual respect to thrive, and communication.
If you want to be served, learn to be of service to others.
If you want to be a Dominant, understand what it means to be a submissive. To every true Dom, the submissive is a gift, even the slave. When you bend them and push their limits, you never let them break and you always put them back together. This is true, even for a healthy relationship.
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The dark-side of “High-Value” Men/Women Ideologies —
The hell with high-value individuals, in order for someone to be considered high-value, most often they are judged on the bases of their material possessions, their job, looks, perceived finances… all things that can be faked. Hell, even the confidence can be faked.
For that simple fact alone, this is a bullshit ideology that allows people, mostly men, to catfish thirsty and insecure women looking to be rescued in some way. In some cases, a good person with their shit together can be just that, a good man/woman who would love to be with another person who also has their shit together or at least in the process of getting their shit together. It’s that simple.
Keeping it simple… men, stop chasing toxic women, or men. Women, stop chasing toxic men, or women. To all of you looking for high-value folks, stop chasing material possessions. There are some garbage men/women, and janitors that are living amazingly comfortable lives, but living modestly.
I know a guy, some of you might know others, who is dead broke, lives on credit, but has a lot of shiny things, drives a Mercedes (leased and rented), rents homes (actually lives in a one-bedroom apartment) and goes out of town to pickup and date women. Works in IT (basic IT support role) but tells people he owns the company. His life is extremely exhausting to me, but he dates a lot of women and sells them the dream. It’s like a social experiment, and they chase, regardless of how he treats them, because they slapped a ‘High-value’ label on him. This is why the whole ‘High-value,’ man/woman bullshit makes no sense. I don’t know of any females that live this way, actually I do, but they also chase women.
In a sense, stop dating people because you think they will fix your shit, add monetary value to your life, or upgrade you. Do your work, improve your life for the sake of making someone’s life better because you are in it, not because of the monetary value or social status you may bring.
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Understanding these three issues with the modern relationship, is possibly the best way forward to attracting, obtaining, and growing a healthy relationship. Obviously there are more. For the most part, reading and understanding these issues are easy, applying the necessary understanding to your life and situation, may potentially be difficult.
Being able to look at yourself, identify and correct your role in this will be the most difficult part of the equation. Keep an open mind, breaking a flawed belief system can be difficult. Realizing how that flawed system has kept you stuck is easy.
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LexNickels — A poet, writer, investor, consultant, sensualist. A guy daring greatly. Follow me on Twitter: @LexNickels
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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